Ah-ha - it’s guilt!
I finally figured out why I’ve been at loose ends this week, Lawrence’s first at preschool. Even though he clearly loves it, I feel guilty. He’s having a great time and hates to leave every day, but I still feel like I should be taking care of him and not passing the responsibility to other people.
Geez, I can’t believe it. The reason it took me so long to identify this feeling is that I’m not big on guilt. Regret, maybe. Guilt, no. How is it that guilt is so closely wrapped up with being a mother? How come we never feel like we’re doing enough for them? I think it’s got to be biological, because it defeats every rational argument we can throw at it.
Hopefully, this too shall pass. It’s probably just part of my “adjustment period.” Maybe in a month or so I can relax in the bookstore with a decaf mocha and not feel like I should be doing something else. Hopefully.