For me, parenting a child with ADHD is two parts love and one part frustration. I find myself saying, “But how could you forget to do that?” almost as many times as I say, “I love you, honey.” We know from experience that simply telling an ADHD child that he has to remember deadlines, stop losing things and stay on task doesn’t work. Our children just aren’t wired that way. The best thing I’e found to alleviate some of that frustration is to find ways to compensate for my son’s shortcomings. Here are a few strategies you might want to try.
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Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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As I recounted in Part I of this series, I came to the conclusion last fall that the after school program my son was attending was not suitable for him, and probably not for any child who was imperfect in any way. It certainly was not suitable for a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Lawrence was not happy there, and I was concerned about what the impact of the constant reprimands and punishments would be. I felt that if Lawrence was always seen as the bad kid he might eventually decide that it wasn’t worth even trying to behave.
In addition, the lack of a clear disciplinary process and escalation of issues seemed very unprofessional. I felt that the people running the program were well-meaning, but ill-equipped to handle even minor conflicts. And with ADHD, even if the child is taking medication, you’re always going to have a certain number of conflicts.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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I’m reading “Green Eggs and Ham” to my son Lawrence before bed. Actually, he’s reading it to me, which is very exciting. He’s doing really well. I only have to help him with about one word out of ten. I read way ahead of my level when I was his age, and it seems that he’s going to be just as good.
The thing I’m noticing, though, is that while he’s reading, he’s wiggling around on the bed, almost falling off sometimes, although his eyes are fixed on the book. Come to think of it, he does this when we’re going over flash cards at the dining table, wiggling around on the chair. He also, which I’ve never seen in another kid, jumps up and down in place when he’s playing a video game, usually when he’s at a part that’s particularly difficult.
It dawns on me that this is probably why his kindergarten teacher told us about bodily-kinesthetic intelligence when we were discussing Lawrence’s problems sitting still in class.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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So, as I said in my last SharePost, my son was recently diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I had my doubts about the diagnosis. Lawrence’s behavior didn’t exactly fit ADHD, and the doctor also is known for diagnosing ADHD pretty frequently. But I had decided to go with it for now and give the medication, Vyvanse, a shot.
Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is, on its surface, somewhat insane. You would think that giving someone who’s hyperactive a sedative is, to say the least, counterintuitive. But the brains of people with ADHD react in a completely opposite manner to amphetamines than people without ADHD. Amphetamines make us calmer and more focused. Strange but true.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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1. Recognize that clinical depression is a disease. Internalizing this fact will help your child in two ways. One, it will hopefully keep you from blaming yourself or your child. This is no one’s fault. Second, if you think of depression as a disease instead of a choice your child is making, you won’t say anything stupid like, “Why don’t you just pull yourself together,” or “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
2. Don’t freak out. This will definitely not help your child. Clinical depression can be successfully treated more than 80% of the time. As long as your child has a good doctor and supportive parents, he or she has a very good chance of recovering. Notice that last part – while everyone with depression really needs a good doctor, supportive parents are absolutely critical for a child with depression.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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Around January this year, my husband and I got the dreaded summons from our son’s kindergarten teacher to meet with her about a problem with Lawrence. It was not a complete surprise – she had told us that she had some concerns. Lawrence was having some mild behavioral problems, in that he was having trouble conforming to the classroom structure.
I knew what she was talking about. I had observed him myself in class, when I took the morning off to help with the Halloween party. He ran everywhere in the room instead of walking. Unlike most of the other children (there were a couple of boys who acted like him), he fidgeted and talked out of turn.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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“Grandma Nancy,” my son informed me tonight, as he has done several times before, “does a much better job scratching my back.” “Yes, I know, honey,” I sighed, as I tried to slow down the tempo of said back scratching. “It’s because she’s much calmer than me.” Since Lawrence was a toddler, my stepmother has, on demand, indulged him with a few minutes of back-scratching whenever she sees him, during which he becomes absolutely boneless and quiet. She is somehow able to transmit her calm and sense of center to him.
Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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We had a 3.2 magnitude earthquake on Saturday, the epicenter located less than a mile away. The entire house shook for about 1 second. Lawrence was in the living room down the hall, so I stepped out of our room and yelled, “Lawrence?” to make sure he was okay. He yelled back, “I didn’t do it!”
Category: Parenting
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I talked in a previous blog about school avoidance, and how it can be caused by clinical depression and anxiety in a child.
My son Lawrence started kindergarten this school year. He was in a wonderful preschool the past two years, where he thrived. Of course we were concerned that he would have a little trouble adjusting to starting kindergarten, but while we got the “trouble adjusting” part right, we got the venue wrong. He’s had no trouble adjusting to kindergarten – it’s a problem with where he is the rest of the day that is generating phone calls to my husband and I.
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Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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Last week my son wanted to play hooky from kindergarten. As I was getting him ready for school, he said, “Mommy, my stomach hurts,” trying to look as pathetic as possible. I had a feeling that the problem wasn’t his stomach, but might have been connected with the fact that my husband was in the hospital recovering from shoulder replacement surgery. Whenever one of us is ill, Lawrence doesn’t like being separated from us. Or perhaps the wish to continue playing “Lego Star Wars” on the Wii.
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Category: Mental Health Writing, Parenting
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