As I recounted in Part I of this series, I came to the conclusion last fall that the after school program my son was attending was not suitable for him, and probably not for any child who was imperfect in any way. It certainly was not suitable for a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Lawrence was not happy there, and I was concerned about what the impact of the constant reprimands and punishments would be. I felt that if Lawrence was always seen as the bad kid he might eventually decide that it wasn’t worth even trying to behave.
In addition, the lack of a clear disciplinary process and escalation of issues seemed very unprofessional. I felt that the people running the program were well-meaning, but ill-equipped to handle even minor conflicts. And with ADHD, even if the child is taking medication, you’re always going to have a certain number of conflicts.
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When my son started elementary school a couple of years ago, I was delighted to find that there was day care on the school grounds. He was in morning kindergarten, so he went there after school at 11 AM. I wasn’t crazy about how small the day care room was, but I was told that they used the playscape outside extensively. The big draw was that Lawrence was right there on school grounds, and would be picked up at the door to his classroom.
In retrospect, I realize that we weren’t given any information about how discipline was handled, which I now know to be a red flag.
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Summer camp can be a wonderful experience for kids with ADHD, if it’s a successful experience. There are some things you can do to help ensure success. Even if your child is excited about summer camp or has already been through the experience once, you might find some useful suggestions here.
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I used to drive my ex-husband crazy. Actually, I think what used to drive him crazy was my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I’m not sure what else about me drove him crazy, but that was definitely an irritant.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years after my first marriage broke up, so at the time, although I was beginning to realize that I had a short attention span and could be hyperactive, I didn’t know why. My ex (who did not have ADHD) and I both had computers and would often be sitting side by side working or playing a game or whatever. But I had always had either laundry, tidying up and cleaning to do, so I usually didn’t stay in my chair very long. I’d jump up after fifteen or twenty minutes at the computer and put a load of laundry in. Then I’d sit down for another fifteen or twenty minutes, until I felt the need to get up and do some dishes or pick up the apartment. My ex-husband, during this time, would not have moved. One day he roared at me, “Can’t you just sit down for longer than five minutes?!” Well, yes, actually. I was sitting down longer than that, but to him it seemed like I was up and down like a jack-in-the-box.
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Is there a bigger challenge for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder than the holidays? So many things to keep track of, so many things to accomplish – all of them with a deadline. After planning twenty-five or so holiday seasons, I’ve come up with some strategies, and also know where some of the potential pitfalls for someone with ADHD are at this time of the year.
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I worked in retail sales for over three years, all of them spent in stores in large shopping malls. The first store I worked in, Victoria’s Secret, was in a beautiful mall in Boston called Copley Place. Everything about the mall was soothing – the peach marble interior, the low lighting, the waterfall and the softly playing classical music. The stores were all high end, like the beautiful Brentano’s bookstore with its many art books. At Christmas time white lights decorated the mall tastefully. Something about the way the mall was built kept it from being too loud, and the foot traffic, while healthy, wasn’t overwhelming. I loved my job, and despite the long hours, I never felt tired.
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About ten years ago, I went to a craft fair with my parents. My parents go to the type of craft fairs that have handwoven coats and custom made wood furniture. I fell in love with some custom-made leather boots. They created a mold for your feet and lower legs and made the boots from that. They cost $500 (I got the sterling silver buttons). They were definitely worth the price, but for me that was about half a month’s pay. I hyperventilated the whole way home and tried to figure out how I was going to break it to my husband.
We ADHD-ers can be somewhat impulsive. In many situations it’s an endearing and even desirable quality. When it comes to spending money, not so much. Around the holidays this is particularly difficult. After all, we’re prone to impulses and we have to shop. Plus, it’s often easier to justify buying something when it’s a gift. So at this time of year it’s “Danger, Will Robinson!” All those nice, shiny things beckoning to us. Before we know it we’re at the register and handing over our money. And even when we make a good purchase and can afford it, sometimes we still feel badly because we didn’t buy it after carefully considering the purchase, or at least counting to ten.
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My son Lawrence started kindergarten last year. It was kind of tough on him. The class was three hours long, and they only had a short, ten minute recess about halfway through. And unlike pre-school, there was a curriculum that had to be completed by the end of the year. Goodbye Show and Tell, hello learning by rote. His teacher was wonderful and very patient, but it eventually became clear that he was having trouble. Nearly every day he got a time-out for talking in class. His teacher worked with him on these issues, but after all, there were nineteen other children in the class. So she was very concerned that the first grade teachers would be less tolerant than she was, and that his self esteem would suffer from constant discipline and being made to feel like a bad kid. His grades were good, and everyone found him very personable, but he was definitely disruptive.
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As I mentioned in a previous SharePost, I tend to collect paper into piles. I wish it was just paper that ended up that way, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. Let’s take a tour of the house I share with my son and husband.
Living room – there’s a pile behind my desk chair. I’m not sure what it is. I think it’s a combination of books I’ve had to look at recently and my son’s drawings. I can’t decide what to do with the drawings. They’re the ones he does in afterschool daycare, and since no one helps him like they did in preschool, these are not anything special. Of course, they’re special because he does them, but are they worth keeping? Since I can’t decide what to do with them, they accumulate.
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I’m reading “Green Eggs and Ham” to my son Lawrence before bed. Actually, he’s reading it to me, which is very exciting. He’s doing really well. I only have to help him with about one word out of ten. I read way ahead of my level when I was his age, and it seems that he’s going to be just as good.
The thing I’m noticing, though, is that while he’s reading, he’s wiggling around on the bed, almost falling off sometimes, although his eyes are fixed on the book. Come to think of it, he does this when we’re going over flash cards at the dining table, wiggling around on the chair. He also, which I’ve never seen in another kid, jumps up and down in place when he’s playing a video game, usually when he’s at a part that’s particularly difficult.
It dawns on me that this is probably why his kindergarten teacher told us about bodily-kinesthetic intelligence when we were discussing Lawrence’s problems sitting still in class.
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